15 Practical Ways To Be A Good Mom
Motherhood is undoubtedly the most beautiful phase in a woman’s life. The sweet newborn scent, holding your baby in your arms, cuddling, and seeing your kids grow is among the most precious life experiences.
But let’s be real; raising children can be tough. I mean… really tough. There is always an unexplainable pressure on mothers to exhibit the *perfect* version of themselves. The truth is that there is no perfect mom. Period. You just have to become a *better* version of yourself every day for your own sanity and the well-being of your kids.
Since you can never pour from an empty cup, it is important that you take care of yourself physically and mentally to be there for your family. I read it somewhere, and it stuck with me; your kids don’t want a perfect mom – they just want a happy mom. And voila, that’s the key to nailing motherhood.
Darrin (my husband) is ALWAYS working, most days, it’s just the kids and me. For that reason, most child-rearing falls on my shoulders, which sometimes can pose quite a challenge. So, I have developed these “rules” for myself to live by, and I thought I’d share them with you! Here are 15 practical tips to help you become a good mom. So fellow moms, grab your coffee, lay on your couch, and start reading.
15 Practical Ways To Be A Good Mom Checklist
1. I Love You: the No#1 step how to become a good mom is to show plenty of love, care, and affection for your kids. Tell your children you love them. A lot. Tell them first thing in the morning, before school, between bites of a grilled cheese sandwich, on Tuesday, on national holidays, and every day in between. You don’t need a special occasion to tell your children you love them. Don’t assume they always know either. Tell them.
2. No Arguing: Amongst numerous qualities of a good mom, being calm and centered really tops the list. Raising kids is no easy feat, but with little amendments, you can foster positive self-esteem and create a big impact on their lives. Do not argue in front of, or with your children. Even if you win, you really lose. A child that sees parents/partners argue assumes this is acceptable behavior, and they will argue with you too. They will even bring up this kind of behavior outside of your home, which, ultimately, is not a sign of a good mom. Of course, we want to build self-autonomy in our children, but arguing is not how to showcase that skill. There are better ways to communicate that don’t involve arguing.
3. Be Consistent: Kids crave consistency, even with discipline. Say the exact same words every time you discipline. When your children can reluctantly and annoyingly finish your sentences for you, you are doing a great job! Here’s an example: Our middle child, our daughter Adrienne, was a very spicy toddler. She hated naps and bedtime but once she was overtired she became even, ahem, spicier. So we had to implement this consistent bedtime ritual: Night #1: “Adrienne, you can go to bed nice, or you can go to bed crying, but you are going to bed.” Night #33: “Adrienne, you can go to bed nice, or you can go to bed crying, but you are going to bed.” Night #67: “Adrienne, you can…” “I KNOW! Go to bed nice, or go to bed crying!” * Adrienne stomps down the hallway but goes to bed all on her own. * Mission accomplished!
4. Give Choices You Can Live With: A good mom allows their children to make choices for themselves with things that don’t matter much. Real-life example: “Would you like Frosted Flakes or a fried egg for breakfast?” “I want Cocoa Puffs!” “You may have Frosted Flakes, a fried egg, or nothing for breakfast.” “I’ll have Frosted Flakes.” “Good choice.”
5. Give age-appropriate chores: Cultivate a sense of responsibility and achievement by giving your children tasks. They will groan about it initially, but it won’t take long until they become proud of their work. Do not redo their chores, either. You may have horribly streaked windows for now, but it will get better as they get older, I promise!
6. Be mindful of your facial expressions: Sometimes, what you don’t say speaks louder than what you do say. Try to keep a neutral face when disciplining so they understand it is discipline and not hate. Also, kids subconsciously want to know, “Does your face light up when you see me?” Show your excitement when you see your children first thing in the morning, after a nap, playing outside, or finishing up schoolwork. Some other qualities of a good mom include being more present and mindful of children. Kids need to know they are valued, missed, and wanted. My suggestion is to practice your faces in the mirror. Take an honest look at your facial expressions when you’re angry, happy, annoyed, stressed, or tired. This is the face your children see, and this is the face they interpret as either love or hate. Even in the angriest state, ensure they always know your face is love.
7. Use logical empathy: Kids need to grapple with problem-solving skills. If an issue or situation is not endangering their health or life, allow them the time to figure it out on their own. Listen from an adjacent room as they problem solve, and interfere only if they become physical. Never allow children to hit themselves or others. Example: “Mom! Layla took my Legos, and I had them first!” “Oh no! That sounds like a real problem. I know you two can figure it out. Let me know later how it goes.”
8. Set a good example: Your children emulate your behaviors. Eat healthy, exercise, take vitamins, drink more water, get up early and make your bed, go to bed early, keep your room tidy, work efficiently, and enjoy occasional pampering. When children see you have pride in yourself and your home, they will have pride in you too, and also themselves.
9. The good old J. O. B: Older children need a job. Whether they are mowing the lawn for a neighbor, walking dogs, or tutoring other kids after school, they need to be held responsible for a job with specific work hours, pay, and consequences for bad behavior or lack of work ethic. Allow them to spend some of their earned income on items you both agree on in advance. They still have to do their household chores too (paid or unpaid).
10. Just Say NO: Say NO to your children more. Just because you can buy them things doesn’t mean you should. It’s ok. Really. It’s ok to say no. Kids with everything also have a sense of entitlement and poor respect for authority. You don’t have to give a reason, either. No is a complete answer. Example: Whenever we were grocery shopping, and it came to checkout time, the kids inevitably wanted something. I would simply tell them, “No, that item isn’t on the grocery list, but next time you can bring your own money and buy this, ok?” Guess what…next time we were grocery shopping, they’d forget their money. “Oh no! I know you really wanted that last time. Perhaps you’ll remember your money next time.” Worked like a charm. The novelty of wanting something wore off quickly and they always forgot their money.
11. Get a Good Backup: The main disciplinarian in the home needs a good backup. Whether it’s a husband, boyfriend, parents, in-laws, friend, or teacher, you need someone in your corner to reaffirm your control over your children.
12. Follow Through: If you want to be a good mom, listen up; follow through is CRITICAL. Don’t make threats or promises you can’t keep. If your children know you mean business, they will not test you for long. It will only take one or two times for you to follow through on something, and then they will never test you again.
13. Allow Failure: Allow your kids to fail at something and suffer the consequences. That’s how they learn. It’s super important that you allow them to feel a failure at a young age, and suffer the consequences, when it doesn’t hurt so much, as opposed to failing at something as an adult when the stakes are much higher and hurt much more.
14. Know their currency: Another great way to become a good mom is to understand your child’s currency. It might be TV time, an iPod, new Legos, or even money, but you need to understand each child’s currency and use it as leverage for proper behavior.
15. Exhibit respect: Bad name-calling is a no-no! Call the children by their names or endearing nicknames only. Refer to other adults as Mr., Mrs., Miss, Dr., Coach, Uncle, Aunt, Pastor, and so on. When children live in a home that fosters respect, they will subconsciously react by treating you, and others, with more respect.
Takeaways
Qualities of a good mom include:
Loving personality
Positivity
Encouragement
Mentoring kids and being present
Taking care of themselves, both physically and mentally
Calm and responsive
Caring for children can seem quite daunting, but I promise you that by following the above guidelines, you can become your kids' best version of yourself. If you ever feel like you are about to lose control, take deep breaths, walk away, and don’t hesitate to ask for help. Make sure to take some time away from kids to indulge in self-care activities.
This will stabilize your emotions and prevent burnout. A mother is the most important figure in a kid’s life, but a good one can lead to outcomes you’re going to treasure for a lifetime. Being a good mom means exhibiting immense affection for your children and guiding them with love, care, and discipline.
Communicate with your kids, become their safe place, and tell them that you love them as often as you can. Hope the above tips on how to be a good mom, prove to be helpful for you.
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